I seem to be having incidents where men obviously believe that I am one of those sensitive women who care. I have been getting crappy messages on my machine like, "Oh I see how you are!" and "Well this is the last time I'm calling you, so if you don't call me back, I guess that's it, because I'm not calling you back!" I could care less who does and does not call me at this particular time. I don't give a rat's ass if you think that your pseudo alfa-male bullshit will get under my skin to the point of a call back. You now people, it may seem like I'm being bitter but you have to understand what's going on here. I have been pulling double and triple shifts working my ass off. EVERYONE I deal with knows this. I work, I sleep, I write if I have the chance. Then work then sleep some more. That's my life. I have a few friends, when I'm not working or sleeping I'm usually spending time with one of thr few friends I have. If that time doesn't fit you than you have to be moved to the "Next Time I have free time I will hang with you" list. I don;t think anyone enters my life without knowing this. And yet, look. This happens all the time. I try. No One see's it but I do.
I do.
Dear Journal,
People seem to be trying to hinder my spirit, and bring me down to the gutter to be chewed up and spat out.
Right now my motto is the same as it has always seemed to have been.
Fuck It.
It's just that sometimes "fuck it mode" seems difficult to obtain, I wonder why...
It cant possibly be because I actually care about these people could it?
Okay, okay, who am I kidding... I care, shit, damnit, but its not that I care about them (much), because every person who is hurting me are people whom I have lived without for years at a time. So what is it?
Maybe I just need to reevaluate (once again) what and who are/is truly important.
yeah...
Kizzy
I'm starting to miss so many people. People who are not even gone, just fading...
It's like how some people say "You don't know what you had till it's gone", well I know what I have, and I'm going to try my hardest to rectify it. It's that or lose people I love.
I think the opportunity to not be lonely is right in my face. I better grasp it, before it slips right through my fingers.
It seems to me that all the major breakthroughs that I seem to encounter in life, come along with a great deal of hardships. Now I'm not talking about your normal amount of Ying to your Yang. I mean Substantial Ying = Colossal Yang.
I Lost a great job that in returned made me crazy and gave ma an abnormal sense of normality.
I made an awesome connection with my sibling (who I hadn't known my whole life) Yayyy!
But now, my little brother (whom I've grown to like most of all) isn't allowed to talk to me anymore... ? Wtf?? Ok. Confused. But still living. (barely)
My dad...
Well he's a book in himself .
My mom? She's awesome, but also a book. One of the only people who isn't on her way out of my life.
I have an evil step-mother who... well.... is, just.... evil.
I am having a constant spiritual debate with myself. I think I'm too occult for my own good.
I got into the school I wanted to attend. ^_^
which, oh yeah, I cannot attend on account of a psycho from my past who lives too close to my dreams.
I don't think that it is fair that others have the ability to have one bad event to every good one, as to where I have, like ten.
Why is that? My mom told me today that it will do nothing but make me stronger.
But how much strength do I need? What is it that lies in the future for me that I'm building all this strength for?
hmmmm..
Well, I do know this, If I'm building up all of this strength it better be worth it in the end.
I have lost too much and sacrificed alot to get this, and I better be able to use it...
I love my life.
end.
RSS Feed